Christmas Gets Earlier Every Year

12 September, 2002 at 8:13 pm (benjamin)

Yesterday, I saw huge banners hung in the window of my local JO-ANN’S FABRICS store informing me that Halloween was coming, and that Jo-Ann and her associates would be ready and able to help me with my pre-holiday needs so that I would be fully prepared on the eve of all hallows.

Halloween 2001Now, I celebrate two holidays: Groundhog’s Day and Hallowe’en. I send out greeting cards on Groundhog’s Day, much in the way that ordinary people send out Christmas cards — the sort of empty correspondence that serves of a reminder that the sender and the recipient aren’t really what anyone would call friends anymore. The sort of card that makes sense when it arrives on the day that is the harbinger of Spring Cleaning. On Hallowe’en I celebrate by dressing up in a costume.

Okay, so, yes… I am already planning my Hallowe’en costume for 2002, but that doesn’t mean i need to see advertizements for it. I mean, what is this? Is Hallowe’en the new Christmas and Jo-Ann & Co. need to tell me that I still have FIFTY shopping days left until Hallowe’en? Which probably isn’t true, since most New Hampshire towns have abandoned the idea that a Holiday should be celebrated on the day upon which it falls. It’s bad enough that trick or treating starts at midday in order to prevent the successful molestation or injury of small children traipsing about the quiet New England hamlets in their pre-fabricated commercial culture plastic sheathes… It’s bad enough that parents drive their children from house to house and to other neighborhoods so that they can get the best loot…

…But the fact that Hallowe’en is being advertized a mere ten days into September means that the first commercial signs of Christmas will creep back as well. I fully expect to see Christmas lights and fake evergreen trees in store windows by November 20th. Mark my words.

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