Things I Didn’t Know About My Apartment
Things I didn’t know about my apartment when I rented it:
The Memorial Day parade starts right outside my front door. For the last ten minutes I’ve been listening to National Guardsmen, High School Marching Bands, the American Legion, and the Brownies walk past my window playing drums and bagpipes and trumpets in competing dissonant overlap.
How did I miss this last year?
Vanity Plates
New Hampshire reputedly has a greater percentage of personalized license plates, or “vanity” plates, than any other state in the Union. Apparently, one of the freedoms we live with or will die without is the freedom to express ourselves in six or fewer alphanumeric characters. Which, while it isn’t anything to be proud of — you should have heard me bellowing obscenities at the hapless fool who decided to choose QUIGON as his license plate — means I spend an inordinate amount of time deciphering people’s bumpers.
Sitting behind a car with the plate IMOK, I spent about thirty seconds asking the driver — rhetorically — what, precisely, he mocked. Then I got it.
And now you know who you should all mock.
Editorial-Man
My first-ever letter to a newspaper was printed on Sunday in the Concord Monitor. Instead of feeling proud, I feel somewhat ashamed. I didn’t write about the crumbling state of something-or-other, I didn’t lash out against stagnant conservatism, I didn’t call attention to the gradual suburbanization of the New Hampshire wilderness. No, I fact-corrected a smarmy, useless front page fluff story about the success of Sony’s new Spider-Man movie.
I am such a bloody nerd.
Superstition?
It is a common superstition that it is bad luck for a black cat to cross one’s path.
But how does one interpret the omen of an enormous wild turkey flying across a two-lane highway in front of one’s car?
RSS feed
smartovercoat.com 